This Page: Guys Are From Mars, Girls Are From Venus (Gender Issues) Basic Differences Between Men and Women Lack of Understanding Leads to Gender Confusion

Mind Games Survival Course Manual

In our attempt to discuss some of the differences between men and women, it is important to recognize that we are speaking in generalities. Most men will find a true description of themselves in the following discussion but some will want to quibble with a few of the characteristics. The same will be true for women. This is simply a result of the fact that we are all unique to a certain degree. Some men are naturally more sensitive than others and some women are naturally more aggressive than others. Just remember that we are describing men and women in general terms, not in hard and fast categories.

1. At the end of the twentieth century, the culture is finally recognizing what the Bible has declared for millennia. Men and women are different! The following table is a small sampling of the numerous differences between men and women.

   Basic Differences Between Men and Women {1}
   Men	Women
   Sense of self: achievement Task-oriented Self-reliant Ask for help = weakness	Sense of self: relationships Relationship-oriented Inter-dependent Ask for help = compliment
   Focus is on goal	Enjoy the process
   Competition	Cooperation
   Analytical	Intuitive
   Linear: focus on one thing at a time. Compartmentalized (chest of drawers).	Multi-taskers: juggle many little things at once. Contiguous (ball of yarn).
   Action-oriented. Hostility: physical. Feels better by solving problems.	Verbal Hostility: verbal Feels better by talking about problems
   When under stress: distracts self with various activities to relax. Withdraws into his "cave."	When under stress: gets more involved with others. Talks in order to be heard and understood
   Primarily needs respect (trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement). Needs to be needed.	Primarily needs cherishing (tender care, understanding ,respect, devotion, validation, reassurance). Needs to be protected.
   Words: for conveying facts and information.	Words: like breathing

   1. Stu Weber provides a helpful summary of theses differences.{2}

      1. Men tend to be tough and strong. Women tend to be tender and gentle.

      2. A man tends toward logic and linear thinking. A woman tends toward emotion and verbal communication.

      3. A man tends to be a risk taker, ready to "go for it." A woman generally prefers security and order.

      4. A man tends toward relational insensitivity, a woman toward sensitivity.

      5. A man looks toward the long haul. A woman is concerned about here and now.

      6. A man tends to be more skeptical and suspicious (I think it's the protector in him). A woman tends to be more believing and trusting (I think it's the nurturer in her).

   2. Gary Smalley provides a helpful illustration on how men and women differ. These analogies describe men and women in their natural states, but is not meant to imply that they cannot learn to think like and appreciate their opposite. {3}

      1. The butterfly has a keen sensitivity. It is sensitive even to the slightest breeze. It flutters above the ground where it can get a panoramic awareness of its surroundings. It notices the beauty of even the tiniest flowers. Because of its sensitivity, it is constantly aware of all of the changes going on around it and is able to react to the slightest variation in its environment. Thus, the butterfly reacts with swiftness toward anything that might hurt it. (Try to catch one without a net sometime.) If a tiny pebble were taped to its wing, the butterfly would be severely injured and eventually die.

      2. The buffalo is another story. It is rough and calloused. It doesn't react to a breeze. It's not even affected by a thirty-mile-an-hour wind. It just goes right on doing whatever it was doing. It's not aware of the smallest of flowers, nor does it appear to be sensitive to slight changes in its environment. Tape a pebble to the buffalo's back and he probably won't even feel it.

         The buffalo isn't "rotten to the core" just because he goes around stepping on pretty flowers. In fact, the buffalo's toughness is a tremendous asset. His strength, when harnessed, can pull a plow that four grown men can't pull. . . . He [man] may tend to "plow" through circumstances, while [the woman] may "feel" life and [her] surroundings with much more sensitivity.

2. Because of a lack of recognition of these differences between men and women, there is a great deal of gender confusion in our culture.

   1. A boy needs to be respected in his maleness.

      1. First he needs respect from his family, then from his peer group.

      2. If he doesn't get that respect and acceptance, he's stuck at that point in his emotional development.

      3. When puberty hits, the need for bonding with other males is sexualized. By adolescence/adulthood, he is constantly looking for his deep emotional needs to be met by other males, which should have happened in childhood.

      4. God's plan: get respect of other males, then move on to healthy relationships with women.

   2. A girl needs to be cherished in her femaleness.

      1. She needs to know she's cherished, protected, and nurtured.

      2. If a girl is abused, she will seek cherishing from what may seem like the only safe place--other females.

   3. When uniquenesses aren't nurtured early there can be negative consequences.

      1. When a child's God-given uniquenesses are assaulted--by abuse, neglect, or lack of validation--it can warp his or her sense of what it means for a girl to be female or for a boy to be male.

      2. This warping of self-image can result in gender identity confusion, which is what underlies a great deal of homosexuality.

   4. Stu Weber, in his book Tender Warrior, suggests that radical feminism is a frustrated revolt against "unmanly men." {4}

      1. Weak men have little or no concept of what it means to fulfill God's plan for a man to be provider, protector, mentor, and lover.

      2. Tyrant men have abused their caring responsibilities toward the women and children in their lives.

      3. The men's movement may also be a reaction against "unmanly men."

	©1998 Probe Ministries
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