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Guys Are From Mars, Girls Are From Venus (Gender Issues)
  • Gender Roles and the Bible
  • Notes / Further Reading

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Guys Are From Mars, Girls Are From Venus

(Gender Issues)

Ray and Sue Bohlin

  1. Gender roles and the Bible

    1. With the understanding of how God created men and women to be different, it is not surprising to find how many of our uniquenesses and needs are addressed by God's commands and precepts.

    2. Women's needs and issues

      1. Women need to be cherished.

        Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph. 5:25).

        You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7a).

      2. Women need security.

        If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8).

      3. Women need to be treated with tenderness and gentleness.

        You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman (1 Peter 3:7).

      4. Women are verbal creatures.

        You wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1--2).

    3. Men's needs and issues

      1. Men need respect and support.

        Wives, submit to your husbands (Eph. 5:22; 1 Peter 3:1).

        And let the wife see to it that she respects her husband (Eph. 5:33).

      2. Men are naturally self-oriented.

        So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies (Eph. 5:28,33).

    4. Men and women from the beginning

      1. Genesis 2:18--25 (The creation of Eve){5}

        1. Eve was made for man. According to specifications, she was divinely designed to fit his needs exactly--an adapter, a responder.

        2. Eve was made from the man. He was the reason for her being, her source.

        3. Eve was brought to the man. Eve was a present to Adam, not the other way around.

        4. Eve was named by man. In the ancient Near East, the authority to name was of extreme importance. It was an acceptance of responsibility.

          For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake (1 Cor. 11:8--9).

        5. Man is the head; he is responsible for the woman.

      2. Genesis 3:16 -- Eve's curse

        The curse on Eve is relational: pain in her relationships with her children, pain in her relationship with her husband (searching for control or rule which is not hers but his).

      3. Genesis 3:17--18 -- Adam's curse

        The curse on Adam is task-oriented: "in toil" will he eat from the ground, "by sweat" he will eat the bread he works for.

      4. Stu Weber summed up gender differences particularly well in Tender Warrior:

        Men, as husbands you have been given a trust--a stewardship, a responsibility, a duty--to husband, or manage, or care for the gifts of your wife. If you abuse that trust, you fail at the very heart of your manhood. In effect, if you abuse the trust, you die. Adam did, and Adam died. It's part of the deathly nature of sin and disobedience. Let me put it a little more bluntly--if you lay a hand on a woman, you should be shot, okay? A woman was made to be provided for, protected, and cared for. A man was made to be a provider, protector, and care-giver. Nothing is more pitiful than a man forfeiting his masculinity or a woman her femininity by transgressing the created order.{6}

    5. Four Pillars of Manhood{7}

      1. Heart of a King -- Provisionary Heart

        1. Looks ahead

        2. Watches over

        3. Provides order, mercy, and justice

      2. Heart of a Warrior -- Protective Heart

        1. Shields

        2. Defends

        3. Stands between

        4. Guards

      3. Heart of a Mentor -- Teaching Heart

        1. Mentor knows and wants others to know

        2. Models

        3. Explains

        4. Trains

      4. Heart of a Friend -- Loving Heart

        1. Care-giving

        2. Compassionate

        3. Committed

        4. Promise keeper

    6. Since men are the leaders and the ones responsible for the family, if men will fulfill their proper roles, women will follow and respond according to their created role. Many problems in society and in the family today can be directly traced to men who have not fulfilled their responsibilities.


  1. John Gray, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (New York: HarperCollins, 1992), 9--41.

  2. Stu Weber, Tender Warrior (Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah, 1993), 114.

  3. Gary Smalley, Hidden Keys of a Loving Lasting Marriage (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 1984), 192.

  4. Weber, Tender Warrior, 92.

  5. Elisabeth Elliot, The Mark of a Man (Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell, 1981), 44--45.

  6. Weber, Tender Warrior, 92. (Emphasis his.)

  7. Ibid., 35--48.

For Further Reading

Weber, Stu. Tender Warrior. Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Books, 1993.
Stu Weber has written a wonderful, insightful book about the biblical model of what a man should be. It will resonate true to every man who picks it up. Women should also read this book so they can get a clearer picture of what a biblical man is supposed to be and even a few hints as to how to respond to one.

Gray, John. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. New York: HarperCollins, 1992.
John Gray is not a believer, but his insights ring true. This book is a delight to read and is especially recommended for men who just don't understand women and for women who just don't understand men.

Smalley, Gary. Hidden Keys of a Loving Lasting Marriage. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 1984.
This is a republication of two previous books Gary wrote, If Only He Knew and For Better or For Best, one for men and one for women. Here they are combined into one. Both books have been extremely popular and have helped thousands to better understand their spouses.

©1998 Probe Ministries
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